Politics

Because I’m worth it, says May
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THERESA May has confirmed that a supremely skilled politician like herself is easily worth £1 billi [...]
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Just f**k off out of it, May tells voters
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THERESA May has told Britain’s electorate that her deal with the DUP is none of their f**king busi [...]
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Crowd at Northamptonshire village fete breaks into chant of ‘Andrea Leadsom’
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A PASSIONATE crowd of about 15 people broke into chants of 'Oh, Andrea Leadsom' at a village fete in [...]
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Remainer celebrates one year of moral high ground
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A REMAIN supporter has marked one year of feeling superior to the ignorant plebs who supported Brexi [...]
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Brexiter unable to find any street parties
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A COMMITTED Brexiter has yet to find a street party celebrating Britain’s very own independence da [...]
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Brexiter to claim he was ‘just kidding’
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A BREXITER who has finally realised it will not turn out well is to claim he was just joking. [...]
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Queen’s Speech ends with ‘f**k this’
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THE Queen’s Speech has ended abruptly with the words ‘fuck this,’ spoken halfway through a sen [...]
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May unable to do deal at Tesco checkout
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THE prime minister has caused chaos at a Tesco checkout after being unable to do a deal where she ha [...]
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Today not the day for blame, say right-wing hatemongers
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BRITONS should not turn against each other but remain united in love, according to prominent right-w [...]
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Lib Dem leadership race between someone you’ve never heard of and two-thirds of a fart
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TWO frontrunners have emerged in what is expected to be the most exciting Lib Dem leadership contest [...]
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May still prime minister for some f**king reason
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THERESA May is still the prime minister of the United Kingdom and no-one has the faintest idea why, [...]
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Backbench Tories in plot to find vaguely competent bastard
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CONSERVATIVE MPs are plotting to replace Theresa May with someone who is just as cynical and nasty b [...]
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They might have upset me, says May
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THERESA May has explained that she could not speak to residents of Grenfell Tower because she is fee [...]
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Britons demand right to keep f**king up and not get sacked
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WORKERS should have the same rights as politicians to completely bollocks things up and not lose the [...]
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Nation breathes sigh of relief as it is spared religious dictatorship under Tim Farron
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BRITAIN has narrowly escaped becoming a Christian dictatorship under the iron hand of Tim Farron.  [...]
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DUP vows to end May’s wild party lifestyle
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THE Democratic Unionists plan to end Theresa May's hedonistic party lifestyle and turn her into a de [...]
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Theresa May: I say ‘getting on with the job’ and ‘nobody wants another election’ now
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AS YOUR prime minister it is my duty to inform you that, following last week's election, I will be s [...]
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Queen’s speech delayed over whether cats are witches’ familiars
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THE QUEEN'S speech will be delayed while Democratic Unionists and Tories debate whether cats help wi [...]
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Don’t look too human though, May told
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THERESA May has been told to look slightly human but not too much. [...]
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Inflation rises because Tories have f**ked up everything all at once
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INFLATION is at almost three per cent because the Conservative government has fucked up the economy, [...]
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Weasel really relates to Michael Gove
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A WEASEL feels he can really identify with Michael Gove. [...]
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Increasingly disturbed May trying to forge alliance with squirrels
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THERESA May has been spotted in a park trying to coerce a squirrel into joining a coalition. [...]
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May wondering exactly when it was she lost her mind
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THERESA May has been pondering exactly when she changed from a competent, ambitious politician into [...]
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DUP deal to focus on Brexit, pensions and dinosaurs being a hoax
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THE Democratic Unionist Party is ready to do a deal based on a 'soft' Brexit, a guarantee on state p [...]
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May hoping for ‘constructive relationship’ with creationist homophobes who think Pope is Satan
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THE Conservative Party has reassured Britain that the government being propped up by swivel-eyed, re [...]
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My idiot sons could run this country better than you, Queen tells May
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THE Queen has told Theresa May that her useless do-nothing sons would be better at running Britain. [...]
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Labour takes Kensington after high turnout among unemployed steelworkers
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LABOUR has taken the west London seat of Kensington amid a high turnout by the constituency’s disg [...]
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Please stay while we savour your humiliation, Britain tells May
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THE UK has ordered Theresa May to remain in position for a few weeks so it can relish her humiliatio [...]
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